Apparently, There Are 5 Stages Of Love, But Most People Can’t Get Past The 3rd & Lose Out On Love

In today's fast-paced lives, relationships aren't known for their longevity. Frustration and dissatisfaction spawn like weeds in people, others churn out money, using heartbreaks to their advantage to tell you about ways to get over someone you really loved. The reality is, that it's possible to have a meaningful, deep, loving relationship to weather the storms together but we often give up, too fast, on our loved ones at the first sign of something that won't suit us. Famous psychologist Jed Diamondsurfaced after 40 years of research to talk about the five stages of love in his article on MenAlive and how we often can't get past the third, losing out on the love of our lives. Here are the different stages of love:

Stage 1

Falling headlong into love

Source: pexels

Suddenly everything is beautiful, there's a spring in your step, blushes come easy and butterflies are forever flooding your stomach. You want to spend every waking moment with them, often staying up late into the wee hours of the morning hanging on every word of theirs. They are beautiful and flawless and you vehemently deny they have any faults whatsoever. They make you ecstatic and this is when we build a lot of flimsy illusions about them. We desire and expect things from them.

Stage 2

Source: pexels

After a lot of stuttering and dropping of hints and painful nervousness with clammy hands, you get into a relationship with the person. It's exciting and you're all talk about your boo. You move in together or even get married and it's wonderful waking up next to the person you love. You believe you are soulmates and are meant to be together.

Stage 3

Doubts surface about whether they really are the one

Source: huffingtonpost

With the passage of time, it's getting a little boring and dull. You already know everything there is to know about your partner, it isn't exciting anymore, the romance is disappearing and sex is the same. Your flimsy illusions about the person shatter and that goofy thing they used to do with their nose which was once adorable, is now just plain annoying. Their habits and ways disillusion you and you think "This isn't what I wanted". Fights are frequent now, and you think that possibly they aren't the one you're meant to be with. This is the phase when people pull out and get sloshed to forget about the other person rather than try working it out.

Stage 4

Source: greatist

If you stick on and decide to put more effort into the relationship to understand your partner and discuss your issues without the blame-gaming, things might take a turn for the positive. You respect the person they are and become more accepting of them. Now is the time to turn the bond into something more meaningful, deep and long-lasting. Get to the core of the problem - a troubled childhood, wounds from past relationships, whatever it may be, now is the time to heal.

Stage 5

Become a team and help make a change to the world

Source: pexels

Now the two of you are a team who can pool in your talents and resources to make the world a better place, in whichever way you can. You've got each others' backs and can take on the world!

As Jed Diamond puts it, "If we can learn to overcome our differences and find real, lasting love in our relationships, perhaps we can work together to find real, lasting love in the world."

8 Signs You’re The Selfish Partner In Your Relationship

8 Signs You’re The Selfish Partner In Your Relationship

Nobody wants to be in a romantic relationship with a self-centered lover.

By Kelsey Borresen, HuffPost US

MIXMIKE VIA GETTY IMAGESThese immature, inconsiderate behaviors could be red flags. 

In any relationship, we all have moments in which we act in selfish ways. But when self-centered, immature or inconsiderate behavior becomes the norm for you, then there’s an issue.

Take a break from thinking about yourself for a second and ponder this: Do you ever ask what your partner wants to do over the weekend? Or do you just call all the shots without any regard for their wishes? When you two disagree on something, do you actually listen to what your partner has to say or do you steamroll the conversation?

If this sounds familiar, there’s a good chance you haven’t realized that you’ve been unfair to your partner. Below, experts share the signs that indicate you’re probably the selfish one in your relationship. 

1. You expect your partner to listen to you vent but you don’t offer the same in return.

“One of the best reasons to be in an intimate relationship is that we have someone to tell our troubles to, who will take our side when the world feels harsh. That feeling of being understood and accepted is what intimacy is about. If you become immediately bored, or act like your partner is a drag when he or she starts to tell you about their bad day, it’s like slamming an emotional door in their face. Even if your partner doesn’t protest, it’s still a recipe for loneliness in a relationship.” ― Amy Begel, marriage and family therapist

2. You give your partner the silent treatment instead of tackling difficult conversations in a mature way. 

“It is self-centered to not make an attempt to communicate when you are hurt or angry at your partner. Tough conversations often come up in a romantic relationship. You put your partner through a lot of distress when you refuse to talk.” ― Marni Feuerman, marriage and family therapist

3. You insist that your perspective is the correct one — on everything. 

“This is a definite red flag indicating a strong degree of selfishness. If you find yourself always giving weight to only your own point of view, you are setting your relationship up to fail. What you are really saying to your partner is that you are really only in this relationship to get your own needs meet, with little or no consideration for the needs of your partner. If that’s the case, you really aren’t a partner at all.” ― Gary Brown, marriage and family therapist 

4. You routinely accuse your partner of being the selfish one in the relationship.  

“We can hardly tolerate qualities in others that we don’t like about ourselves. Often what we mean when we accuse partners of being selfish is that they’re not meeting our selfish preferences.” ― Steven Stosny, psychologist

5. You get pissy when your partner makes plans that don’t involve you. 

“There is no reason to be joined at the hip. It is healthy to have your own interests and balance ‘me’ time with ‘we’ time. If you are always making your partner feel guilty for being an individual separate from you, then this is very selfish.” ― Feuerman 

6. You’re overly critical of your partner’s friends and family. 

“Occasionally I see couples where one partner refuses to hang out with the other partner’s friends, or belittles them, looks down on them or is otherwise unpleasant toward these friends. This creates a troubling imbalance in the relationship, where one person becomes the arbiter of who’s ‘in’ and who’s ‘out.’ It also implies a sense of superiority on the part of the partner who pronounces him/herself as the judge of high-quality friends.” ― Begel 

7. You’re oblivious to your partner’s needs. 

“I always know there is a quality of deadness in a couple who comes for therapy where one partner isn’t at all worried about pleasing the other person. In a healthy relationship, we’re supposed to be aware of what pleases our partner and, at least part of the time, try to accommodate their desires. It’s of course always a question of balance: We don’t live to please our partner, but we’re not indifferent to our partner’s needs, wishes, desires. It goes a long way in a relationship when we know our partner is paying attention to what we need, even if it doesn’t always work out.” ― Begel

8. When you don’t get your way, you threaten to end the relationship — even if you don’t mean it.

“Even in the very best of relationships, none of us is always going to get what we need. If you spend your time threatening to leave your partner, how can they ever grow to trust that it isn’t always going to be about you and your needs? Someone who genuinely loves their partner is going to be mature enough and have enough self-awareness to know that it is extremely hurtful to threaten to abandon someone we love just because we don’t get our way.” ― Brown